There comes a time in every relationship where you start wondering if the person you are with is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. There are some very important questions that you need to ask yourself which include compatibility, children, money, addiction, sexual fulfillment, family and fidelity.
How compatible are you with each other really? Do you see eye to eye on most issues and share enough interests where you won’t be alienating each other with hobbies that don’t relate. You have to make sure you don’t have persistent problems that you can’t seem to fix and that continue to irritate you.
One big problem in a lot of relationships is the timing of when you want to have kids. I have had a bunch of friends that have had major break-ups over this issue. You need to make sure you are aligned with when you want to start having kids so you don’t have one person ready and the other in a different mind state.
Money causes us enough emotional stress as is and once you put a relationship in the middle it can get pretty crazy. One thing to realize in a relationship is that you are going to have to give and take and sometimes times may be rough financially but to stay focused and if you lose a job or don’t think you are making enough money to keep your partner and yourself satisfied that in the end money isn’t that important. Just make sure that you are not living above your means and that you save whenever you can for rainy days.
Everyone has vices of some sort whether it be coffee, smoking or drinking but the important thing here is to make sure that they don’t consume you and that you are balanced with any addictions you might have. I love caffeine and sweets but I try to minimize my intake just because I know it isn’t healthy for me. If you have a partner that is addicted to some sort of drug and you are not comfortable with their use then you should seriously consider getting out of that relationship because once you take it to the next level things will only escalate more. If you are a non-smoker and your partner is a smoker and you want them to quit then you should work this out with them immediately if it really is a big issue for you. If you don’t mind then don’t bring it up and make them feel lower then you because they make this lifestyle decision. It can and will cause dissent in your relationship.
Sex is a much larger issue then most couples realize. Are you always the one wanting more attention and sex? If that is the case then you need to make your partner aware that you aren’t receiving the amount of love and affection and see if it is just that they are currently too busy with work and life or if they have a much lower sexual drive then you. You would be surprised to see that women actually crave sex just as much as men do but might not make it so apparent. Be sure to communicate your feelings so you don’t always feel like you are getting turned down when you want intimacy.
Some couples ignore or overlook the importance of having positive relations with your family and vice versa. Family is the ones that’ll be there when you get into arguments or break ups. They usually have a large effect on your actions since they know your personality the best and what is good for you when your thoughts might be clouded emotionally. If you plan on having kids then they are a great outlet for help in many various ways.
Fidelity is the big relationship breaker unfortunately. When you get hitched you are making a commitment to that person to be loyal, truthful and faithful to them. If you ever have thoughts of infidelity then you should either confront those feelings with a friend before you make the bad decision to act on them. If something your mate has done is making you feel this way then you need to get that issue sorted out quickly before you throw away everything you have built in your relationship. Cheating never ends with a good story. It’s that plain and simple.
-Brian R.
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